Jasmine Hart

This is great, Snoink, really fresh and your imagery is striking. It flows very well as a whole. I love the weirdness of; "a tutu for your naked flesh, " ...

This is great, Lizzy. I love the story and the tone. The rhythm, as has been said, is a little off. Try reading it aloud so you get a sense ...

I love it. I prefer the first stanza to the second, it's more powerful as a whole and your imagery is at its most effective here. I feel that; "out ...

As has been said, this is raw and beautiful. You channel real power through it and express your emotions brilliantly. I think I'd break it up into stanzas, maybe two, ...

Your theme is very good. I'd try experimenting with it, taking different approaches and using a variety of formats. If you want some new forms, do an internet search, or ...

How are you so brilliant? I'm so jealous that it's not even funny. I'll try to overcome the jeacousy a little so I can be helpful... I'm not sure about; ...

Some good points have been made. I think you could trim this down a bit as you don't need everything you say. Maybe try; "Why do you do this to ...

This is lovely. The first four lines were great. I think "Into a dopey state" sounded a little weak and forced. Maybe get rid of this line altogether, and then ...

You express yourself well, I like the theme, and the last stanza is great. At times, I think you were a bit too wordy-you just didn't need all the words! ...

This is really great bubbles. The flow is perfect and the rhyme works really well. I love your vivid descriptions, and the repetition was a nice touch. I loved; "He ...

Hey Jared. Your description here is good, and the story flows very well. I like the use of "he" and "she", as it increased my sense of watching the scene ...

Niteowl's suggestion of more imagery is a good one. Try to engage at least some of the senses in your piece, I think it will help. I'd add punctuation as ...

If you want to make alterartions, just click the edit button, and you'll be able to lay the lines out the way you want to. Your theme is interesting. I'd ...

This is really good. I like the allusion to Edgar Allen Poe. I especially love the last two stanzas. Your use of language is really great. Though I think you ...

Hi. Welcome! The flow here is very good. Like the others, I think expansion would be good. I'd also suggest punctuation, but I know that this is sometimes a case ...